You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
