Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize