ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
