I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize