I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
