She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
