I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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