No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
