I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
