my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
