Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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