I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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