I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
