if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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