I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
