You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
