I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I could fuck to npr.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
