I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
