So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
