Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I intend to get homeless drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
