I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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