I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
