My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
false alarm, still single
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