He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
