clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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