shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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