Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
