Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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