i don't like sucking hair
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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