i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
