please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
