I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
