We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
