1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
