i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
