I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
