drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
