it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
