i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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