hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
