Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
