watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize