So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
