And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
