I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
