When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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