woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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