Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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