i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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