Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
