You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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