So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
