but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
