I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
