I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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