I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
