Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
