My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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