I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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