Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my being single is dangerous.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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