turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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