My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
