Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well you can't waste a boner
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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