He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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