when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
