Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
