She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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