Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
