Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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