Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
