i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
