I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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