i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
