Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
