I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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