i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just high enough for therapy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
