New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need to align my fucking chakras
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