Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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