Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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