My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
