i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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